LIMING AND WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS IN TRINIDAD & TOBAGO

LIMING AND WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS –

  • A CURE FOR ANY DIASPORA YOU MAY EVER FEEL. ITS THE FOOD AND CULTURE THAT DISPELS ANY SENSE OF LOSS VIA HUMOR

INTRODUCTION

The language expressed is in the lingua franca of the Caribbean islands. English subtitles can be provided.  

Gawd awoke one morning, yawning his face off. He looked down on what he created and upon reviewing… Segue, if it is one thing that Gawd could do is review everything. He saw a lot of commotion coming from these teeny-weeny islands in the Caribbean. He watched history unfold. Gawd’s timeline is superfast. He is the original high speed internet and Gawd watched as men arrived on ships. Then this new arrival decided, in his supreme authority and a 1492 Gawd given right, to make declarations. The man, called the Island Trinidad, after the myth of the Holy Trinity. 

Though Gawd, said, “I ain’t give him no rights, but he go learn fast.” Gawd found it necessary to adopt a trini accent and pattern of speech, after all Gawd wanted people to understand trini-speak.

Gawd, was mystified as he knew, there ain’t, correction, is not a Holy Trinity, at least not in the heaven Gawd made. But dem earth- folk like to make up things. Not that they are lying, just that they want something to write about. And it is all make believe, an act of creation, if you will. When you make a wish, it makes no difference who or what you are. Or where you come from.

Gawd likes to grant wishes, so Trinidadians could rise and Trinidad could rule the earth.

Gawd, watching, Columbus, as this man was named, white as a cloud, sailing in the blue sky, a Cumulus incarnated, as a man sailing on the Caribbean Sea.  In Columbus’s clouded judgement, he made all sorts of proclamations about how these islands are so and so and for whom so and so, it will belong to. He, the Columbus made plans to bring people from Europe, Africa and Asia to what Gawd had made, as a little paradise.  It was a crucible of life experiment, and an introduction to the pantheon of Trini- Gawds.

Gawd knew paradise is a Pandora’s Box of trouble. As in his timeline, he could see all eternity and he knew, all these Trinidadians, as they became known would be nothing but trouble. Bacchanalia will exist for eternity. Bacchus claimed territoriality over “T&T”. Not Spain, England or France. The rubric was more of a clandestine myth as reality collided with the cosmic divide, also known as Drama.

Gawd, smiled at his creation. This melting pot of an island will have everything. Gawd, sprinkled, Pigeon peas and rice, Roti, Salt-fish, guava, mango, avocado, Coo-Coo, Souse, Charlie Black Pudding, Buss-up Shot, Pholourie and Pone. Just to name a few seeds. He had plans for more, but he wanted other people to invest their cultural seeds, in this island and its twin Tobago. It was renamed Tobago, as initially it was “Two Bags-To-Go”. As in buy one get one free. But the Trinidadian’s always mess up the language and it became Tobago.

Gawd was into give-aways and loss lead items way before man on earth could divine it  Some of these people bought sugar cane and made rum, others brought Sorrel, Mauby and ginger beer.

Gawd sent out earth-mails to his leaders. Those earth-mails, are known today as e-mails. One earth mail landed on the Arc and this dude Noah was piloting the Arc and its cargo. Noah following Gawd’s orders made a detour and dropped off two of every animal he had to make paradise on earth more complete.

Gawd watched as his evil twin, the Devil grew angry and jealous and sent some crazy arse daemons to literally feck up paradise. He sent in Jumbies, Douens, La Diablesse, Mama Glow, Soucouyant and many more.

As it is supposedly written by the man who thinks he is Gawd, that Gawd, speaks light into life. Then for metaphorical reasons separates the light from the dark. Huh?  That is where Gawd made a mistake, as his evil twin the Devil, snatched the dark and claimed ruler-ship. But the Devil never met a Trinidadian that followed any rules, other than that all rules were meant to be broken. Amen! And the Devil regretted he ever put a foot or mouth, on these twin islands. One is enough but two is double the trouble. There is a story that the Devil called Gawd and complained that the Trinis in hell, were putting out the fires and running air-conditioning to cool hell down. It is probably true.

The one thing that Gawd loved was good food and these Trinidadians Gawd blessed them with a great appetite and a rich supply of food. A literal cornucopia from the Arc.  Paradise is lost and found in these twinned tropical isles.

Gawd refers to Trinidadians not as a race of people but as a paradigm of philosophy. Gawd is not a bigot and loves all his people evenly. But Gawd is aware of certain contrived reasons and platitudes that have existed for millennium that were brandished as reality and whitened, proven in time false or inaccurate. Gawd enjoys the rich debate especially one that draws on caricature and myth to dispel, the ancient rationales of the past.

So Gawd wrote these frivolous stories for fun and for the entertainment, which it is. Gawd knows, entertainment will rule over Trinidad. For it is in the fun, that the beholder finds beautiful memories.  

Old Gawd proverb.

 

 

CHAPTERS 1-5

  1. Ainsley and Babsy discover Pigeon Peas and Rice
  1. The Birth of a nation via Pelau
  1. The Heaven that is Paratha!
  1. Trinidad Fried Bake made by the Anaconda
  1. The War between Mauby, Ginger Beer and Sorrel

 

  

  • CHAPTER 1

AINSLEY AND BABSY DISCOVER PIGEON PEAS

Ainsley was watching his Pidgeon coop and realised as all Pidgeon’s do they were always making a lot of doo-doo, as in crap all over the coop He was tired of washing the doo-doo off but he did notice that the plants growing where the doo-doo fell, were lush and green and had grown into luxuriant bushes, twelve feet tall by six feet wide. Soon there was a virtual forest of trees.

The bushes began to bloom with flowers which became pods that contained peas. He called his wife to take a look at what had grown. He had never seen this before in all of his forty-two years in Trinidad.  I think Ainsley was born at the turn of the century, a true trini country bookie in Usine, St. Madeline in nineteen-hundred.

“Babsy, Babsy, come look at what the Pidgeon’s doo-doo made.” Babsy, was busy tending to the two young children they had. Bella, and Jojo were a handful. 14 months apart and boisterous as young kids are at six and four.

Babsy, put her on hand on her pregnant belly and the other on her hip.

“Ainsley, I don’t have time to come and see what you want?”

 Ainsley, Babsy you have to see this manna, the Pidgeon’s bring to us.”

Babsy, “What you mean manna?” I ain’t have time for you and your stupidness, man”

Ainsley frustrated by her lack of response, came and took her by the hand out to the coup. The coop was hidden by the garage, and in a deep indent in the earth behind the garage. It was snuggled into a natural bay of its own, next to the chickens and the goats.  Babsy, struggled on the uneven ground, leaned on her husband, as the baby kicked in her belly. “Damn this baby big and active.”

She stopped gripping as she saw the forest with peas in the trees.

“But geezan-ages, what is this?” Ainsley, “this look like enough to feed an army” “what we gonna, do with it”

“Babsy, I think we gonna have to cook it and see?” Ainsley gave her a fresh pea pod. “Look, it smells good. Like the earth and not so sweet and soft, like corn.” As he munched on a fresh pea. Babsy agreed, nodding approval, as she followed suit.

“Ainsley grab some and bring it to the house, now. I am going to cook it.”  Babsy, walked back to the houses, shooing the chicken and goats that always shadowed her as she fed them well.

Babsy, shelled the peas from the bags, Ainsley brought to her. Babsy counted the bags. “Ainsley, how is it, that you fill fifty bags with these peas? What are we going to do? I mean we could give way, maybe eight bags but that leaves forty-two bags and what do we do with them?” Ainsley, had thought the same thing. “Babsy, you know, I think we have to sell it. I was thinking of going down to four roads, take a corner, build a stand and sell them for five dollars a bag. What you think? Ainsley asked.

 Babsy, looking at her belly and the children and the not so new house, said. “Yes Man, do it. But first let me cook these peas and rice and season it up. It probably will be good with the stew chicken”.

As the meal was ready to be served, Babsy took a mouthful, “Ainsley these peas and rice with the okra and spices so damn good. Man this is an everyday staple. You have to save some peas as seeds and dry them. We can make a plantation.  I could live on this.” Ainsley nodded agreement, “And you know the peas and rice with chicken might be sold as well.”  Dollar signs flashed before his eyes.

Babsy,” So what you gonna call this dish. Peas and rice?” Ainsley, “No woman, this is Pidgeon Peas and rice. Nobody, tried this, before and you know people, like new things to eat.”

“And if it wasn’t for these damn Pidgeon’s, I would not have this food”

It was not long after that, Babsy give birth to another son, named Walt’R Pidgeon. Ainsley founded the Pidgeon Pea Factory and was soon selling cans of peas, all over the Caribbean. Babsy, opened a restaurant which became a popular liming spot and the family prospered.

Pidgeon Peas and rice has been a staple since the early nineteen hundreds. It only took humans 57,244,492,800 seconds to catch up to Gawd’s plan.

Explore making Pidgeon Peas and rice and open your own restaurant. Like manna from heaven, the Pidgeon doo-doo, brought new life as Pidgeon Peas to this family and a delicacy to Trinidad.  Note that its doo-doo as in poop and not doux-doux as in Darling. But the doo-doo made the Peas sweet and as close to Darling, as sweet can be.

PIGEON PEAS AND RICE RECIPE

Ingredients and preparation

Don’t make a fuss, this is one easy dish. You take a pinch of this and a handful of that. Minced garlic cloves, chopped green onions, cumin and any spice you have. Hot pepper, parsley and any greens, you like.

Heat the skillet, add Olive oil, to the sugar to brown, next add the meat like chicken, bacon, ham or sausage and add all the stuff you just chopped and then throw in the Pidgeon Peas. Add the rice and cook and voila. Season to taste, add coconut, nuts and or raisins if it’s Christmas and enjoy.

 

 

  • CHAPTER 2

THE BIRTH OF A NATION VIA PELAU

The Great Depression, 1929-39 was the deepest and longest-lasting economic recession in history. Mix in World War two and you had a disaster. But Trinidadians find a way to cope, all the way through to the end of the war.   

Trinidad was poised to lead the way in yet another feat.  At that time merely a survival practise. Contract laborers from India, China and Portugal were filling the jobs left vacant by the abolition of slavery. Trinidad welcomed new arrivals from Lebanon, Syria and the Jews fleeing the pogroms of Eastern Europe and Nazi outrage was creating an unheard of cultural nirvana. They were becoming Trini’s.

Trinidad was becoming a bastion of relative safety while forming a cross-cultural phenomenon.

The island Trinidad was indeed a modern Tower of Babel, the ziggurat of Babylonian tales. A tower is not just a structure, it can be a metaphor for building a national monument of strength via peace.  All these ethnicities brought with them a unique cultural flavour and characteristics of yesteryear to a new world.

It was to that world the parents were born into and they told a wonderfully poignant tale where the world came together. Mourning may have been the impetus. War plays havoc on people’s lives and I have forgotten which catastrophe or event they were honouring.    It could have been Churchill becoming Prime Minister of England or rationing began in the United Kingdom. Or maybe it was Japan attacking Pearl Harbor, and the United States entering the war. Hitler and the mass murder of the Jewish people at Auschwitz hit a new low, in all of our collective psyches.

But for whatever the reason, many gathered to mourn or just to be one with each other. It was a pot-luck dinner, most people brought something and as the crowd grew to over five hundred, my grandmother and her cronies set out to collect the food and make it all one. When they got to the kitchen they did a double take.

An OH –OH, Oh-No moment.

They realized they had a shortage of food and serving dishes. Salad they could combine into several bowls. But when they looked at all the different rice and meat dishes arriving in a variety of containers and amounts they grew concerned. But as luck had it, the creole staff knew how to cope.

“Madam,” our cook said, “let me show you what we do. Sometimes you have to stretch the food and make a one-pot.”

Nelly our maid, took all the ingredients and began to mix the rice with peas and veggies and added the chicken that was always present. If you ever ate stewed Trinidad chicken, your mouth will water from memory. Nelly continued and did the same for the beef, and the goat and these three massive serving platters of one pot went out into the tents. One of chicken, the other beef and yet another of goat.

Nelly, called the dish Pelau and from that time circa 1942, Pelau became the national dish of Trinidad. Every version was created. Today in 2016 you can enjoy the trini-one-pot Pelau in chicken, beef, goat, conch, shrimp and fish.

It may have been a way to maximise left overs but one day in 1942 it united a nation and the world. All hail Pelau!  

No one remembers it was World War two which gave Pelau to all of Trinidad. It became this ubiquitous meal enjoyed several times a week and in every household in this twin island nation. Many other Caribbean nations and indeed other countries claimed Pelau as their national dish. In Iran it is known as Polow, and in Korea Bokeum Bap. But it originated in the twin islands of Trinidad and Tobago.

PELAU RECIPE

  1. First make the burnt sugar.
  2. In a deep pot cook the sugar over moderately high heat, stirring constantly with a fork, until it is melted completely and starts to froth, bubble and darken. Immediately add the seasoned chicken, turning frequently to not burn it, for 5 minutes.
  3. Add the rice to the chicken, cook for 3 minutes. Stirring frequently to prevent sticking to the pot.
  4. Toss in the carrots, celery or your favourite veggies and peas. Flavour with pepper, salt, garlic etc. Eat when done.
  • CHAPTER 3

 

THE HEAVEN THAT IS PARATHA

Paratha is a consolidation of the words parat and atta literally meaning layers of cooked dough. Parathas are Vishnu’s answer to all devotions. Paratha harmonizes, as its purity of spirit nurtures the body and preserves it in a peaceful state.

Paratha (Buss-up-shot) is a flatbread originating in northern India. The wheat that is used is one of the Sattvic foods. In Ayurveda, this is the best diet for a good mind, physical strength, long-life and health. It has a calming effect upon the mind purifying it, enabling it to function at its maximum potential. Trinidad Hindus have made Parantha since 1845.

Trinidad has an eclectic sense of food and an extraordinary sense of history and spirituality. But what is surprising is how unknown much of is. It was lost to the annals of time and as you enjoy your Buss-up-shot paratha roti, know what you are enjoying. Trinidad farmers have grown food in the Sattvic philosophy for over a century.

The wheat in Paratha belongs to a food group known as Sattvic food and is grown in Trinidad. Sattvic foods, are foods abundant in Prana, the universal life-force present in all sentient beings, tout à sa place, in both the phylum of flora and fauna. Sattvic foods are known to produce serenity and dignity among all those who consume them. Eating fruits and vegetables increases your charisma and holiness. The soul is expressed dependent on the food you eat.

Many Sattvic foods are sun foods and Trinidad is the land of three hundred and sixty five days of sunshine. Sattvic food, grown in the first one meter of soil possess a quickening and revitalizing influence on the body’s nervous and gastrointestinal systems.

Sprouted whole grains and seeds, legumes, fresh fruit and juices, vegetables, nut and seed milk, cheese, honey, and herbal teas are examples of Sattvic foods. In other words, a Vegan diet.

Trinidad grows and exports all of these Sattvic foods to the rest of the Caribbean and into international markets such as Toronto’s Kensington Market. None are wiser of the foods superb quality and incredible nutritional value.

Sattvic foods are fresh foods consumed in small portions, six times per day.  The Bhagavad Gita praises these foods.

Sattvic individuals work for the welfare of the collective future, paying it forward as they the Sattvic, think about the consequences of their actions. Trinidad may well owe its recognised authors, the magna cum laude of forward thinkers to this diet. Authors, such as V.S. Naipaul, C.L.R James, Derek Walcott, Eric Williams, Floella Benjamin  and Neil Bisoondath to name a few, who unwittingly followed a Trinidadian version of a Sattvic diet.  A wonderful quote follows-:

“Food is a dynamic force interacting with humans on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. Nutrition is the study of the interaction and assimilation of the dynamic forces of food with our total being.” ~ Gabriel Cousens, M.D., Spiritual Nutrition and the Rainbow Diet.

As you enjoy Parantha, ponder its significance upon your life and follow the Sattvic diet so abundantly given to you in Trinidad.

Citation

Sattvic diet: http://www.thelivingcentre.com/cms/body/peace-through-a-sattvic-diet

Parantha Recipe

Ingredients: 1 cup = 250 ml

  • 2 cups whole wheat flour/atta
  • 2 tsp oil/ ghee
  • ½ tsp salt
  • water for kneading the dough

Methodology:

In a bowl add the whole wheat flour, salt, oil and water.

Mix and then knead into a smooth dough. Add more water if required. Cover and keep the dough aside for 30 minutes.

Next – Make a medium sized ball from the dough. Flatten and dust with flour.

With a rolling pin, roll into a four inch circle. Spread ghee on the dough.

Dust with flour and roll the dough.

Next – Heat the tava at a medium heat and place the paratha on the tava. Soon the paratha will puff up.

Flip the paratha until you see brown spots. Spread some ghee. Flip again.

Spread ghee and flip till you see more brown spots. When the paratha is cooked serve hot with any Indian dal or vegetable curry. Enjoy the Sattvic way.

  • CHAPTER 4

 

WHEN THE FRIED BAKE MAKES THE BOOTY

Trinidad has created many great international stars. One in particular, we won’t mention names but her Ponderosa is now famous. She is the Maharani of hip-hop who readily gives homage and props to both her Trini roots and other prosthetics. Her diva requests included Trinidad Bakes and curry chicken in her backstage riders.

Now there has been recently, much controversy about the growth of her Ponderosa. The Maharani of Hip hop, the doyenne of the St. James derriere is one of hip-hop’s most powerful women who loves to cook and wants to promote Trinidad and Tobago to the world.

Recently in Trinidad, she said, “I have been trying to lose a few pounds but I have been eating since I got here. I cannot get enough,” she said.  As she coquettishly turns and arches her back, so the ponderosa can be admired further. “Fried Bakes, really help me keep my silhouette,” she coos. 
She then admitted she would like to bring back, such Trini delicacies as Pholourie, red mango, tamarind balls and doubles when she returned to the land of the red spangled banner. 

She confessed that her song “Anaconda’ came from a story her mother used to tell her. And she shared the story with us and it is riveting. Hip-hop owes much to Trinidad and its folk-legends.
Mama Dlo or Maman de l’eau, lives in Trinidad’s ponds, streams and rivers. Mama Dlo’s lower body always takes on the form of an anaconda. When she was in a mood. I mean any mood. She would snap her tail hard and loud, on the surface of a pool or a lagoon making a massive cracking sound.

Sometimes she took on the form of a beautiful curvaceous woman singing songs, “My Anaconda…” Sitting at the water’s edge in the sunlight, lingering for a sun-kissed moment. Snap went her tail “My Anaconda don’t”! Was the sound it made.

Mama Dlo, inspired fear and to escape her, one has to remove one’s left shoe, turn it upside down and immediately leave, walking backwards, one shoe on, one shoe off until you reached your home.

And now the world can share her Fried Bake Ponderosa as you dance to her Anaconda. The Maharani has lived a large life but credits her success to be all of Trinidad’s doing.  She shares her favourite Fried Bakes Recipe. As it’s so complicated she lets her mother make it, as it breaks her nails.

Sing it with her, “My Anaconda don’t… My Anaconda don’t… My Anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun!”  She wanted bakes but it’s too insider and she snapped her tail loud. “My Anaconda don’t… My Anaconda don’t”

 

  • Ponderosa – A colloquial term for derriere, backside or buttocks. Indicates a larger than average ponderosa. It’s the entire spread and more can be purchased.

 

Citations

Folklore http://www.tntisland.com/folklore.html

 

‘I WANT TO TAKE TRINI CULTURE TO THE WORLD ‘By Leiselle Maraj Sunday, October 31 2010 http://www.newsday.co.tt/news/0,130037.html

NICKI MINAJ LYRICS – Anaconda

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickiminaj/anaconda.html

RECIPE- trini fried bake – for the ANACONDA curves you want

Ingredients
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
2 tsp brown sugar
Water, about 3/4 cup
Oil

Makes 8 bakes

Directions
1. In a bowl, add flour, salt, sugar and baking powder. Mix well. 
2. Gradually add water, knead to make a soft, smooth dough.
3. Form into a large ball and cover. Let stand for 15-30 minutes.
4. Divide dough into small balls. On a lightly-floured surface flatten (1/4 inch) with a rolling pin.

  1. Pour oil into a frying pan on medium heat.  
    Working in batches, fry the dough turning, until golden brown and puffed up. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the bakes to a paper towel-lined plate. 
  • THEN SHAKE YOUR ANACONDA

 

  

  • CHAPTER 5

 

THE WAR BETWEEN MAUBY, SORREL AND GINGER BEER

And Gawd said, “Let the trini-earth spew forth a jungle, plants which seed, and many fruit trees and then some.” And gawd double winked and it was so.

But Gawd, did not reckon on the trees, seeds and bushes taking on this much life of its own. Something to do with a free-will edict. Soon, give or take five hundred years, Trinidad time, there was a full blown war between three popular superstars Mauby, Sorrel and Ginger Beer.  The other fruit trees Oranges, Mangoes, Coconuts, Lime, Avocado, Pawpaw etc., had all settled down, confident in their self-worth and their contribution to all Trini, Guyanese, Jamaican, well Caribbean kind, life.

But these three, geezan ages, their fame went to their chloroplasts. The war was so bad, that if they were planted in the same garden, they would send each other “batchaks” to eat the leaves and worms to eat wood and it was a fight to the death for world garden dominance. Leave nothing behind, strip or be stripped.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of the Devic energies which embody our plants.

Now this latest skirmish raged when people, like these folk, started saying, “You know that Mauby, real good for you.”  Hugh, the Trini says to Pearl who hailed from Guyana, “But A- A, what you mean?”  Ms. Pearl responded. They were liming at Pearl’s house, in Goodwood Gardens, Trinidad. All ‘windies’ like to live in Trinidad, its party central and booze is forever flowing.

Lana, the Jamaican from Mona, with an eidetic memory, spoke as if she was an encyclopedia.  She exaggerated every word, cocking her eyebrows and showing off. Lips, moving, hands gesticulating and her face… It was stated, if the wind changed and you made these faces, you could stay that way. She was warned.

Lana, “You don’t know that Mauby, (pause for effect, penetrating gaze) “mabi,” “mawbi,” derives its name from the bark of Colubrina arborescens or Colubrina elliptica

Hugh thinking, “I have never seen a face twist up like this when speaking Latin. Gawd she ugly”

Lana, continues, “A buckthorn, identified as “soldierwood” or “naked wood” in the US of A.

Double stupse from Hugh and Pearl. Eyes rolling, in faux contempt. West Indians love to mamaguy each other. So all this palaver by Lana is generally ignored.

She continues, as if she was on a soap box. You give a Jamaican an inch, they take everything,” Lana, “Strips of the mauby bark are marinated in boiling water, with sugar and spices. Then you enjoy it, like so.”  Sips hers, lips smacking, announcing, “It’s Delicious.”

The Trini, vex now, in his best Oxford English.

Hugh,” In medicine, Mauby lowers cholesterol and diabetics’ blood sugar.  Also neutralises arthritis, decreases high blood pressure, is an aphrodisiac, and gets rid of dysentery.”  All in one breath, Trini style.

Hugh continues, matching Lana’s look for look, “And, a study from the University of the West Indies, St. Augustine, TRINIDAD, not Mona, Jamaica, thank you very much, has shown that drinking mauby, mixed with young coconut water, reduces hypertension. Mauby, is king and, and… Pauses for effect “it gives great morning wood”. “There is a reason it is known as naked wood.”

Both the Jamaican and Guyanese women “stupse” sucking their teeth, creating a stupse-echo, “These Trini-men are always horny. It constantly ends in sex”

As this was now a verbal picong-war, Pearl went to her computer and downloaded all she could find on Ginger Beer. All Guyanese are kinda, familiar with the legendary health benefits, of ginger beer. It is something you don’t talk about. Just saying, it is good for you, suffices. But this was as much a stage as the Grandstand. And with this, verbal fandango, Pearl had to fight.
Pearl, “Look, I know a thing or two about Ginger Beer, the best of the best. And I know how to push a button and print. Wait its coming”. Pearl, “Shut up and listen.” As west-Indians can talk-over each other. You have to be loud and commanding to compete. Pearl is only five foot two, but she spread her feet and planted them firmly in her six inch Manalo’s. Then she was ready.

Pearl, her voice, radiating authority, “As ginger, its main ingredient, has a high concentration of antioxidants, (AUNTY OX-I-DANTS).”I remember Mummy, giving Daddy it, after he killed a bottle of Vat 19. He was belching and had indigestion and nausea. Mummy says, she took it for morning sickness every time she was pregnant. I think she said, that even now, if she drinks Mauby, she has to take a pregnancy test, in case?” 

“And Gran-Gran. OH MY GAWD”, she always said, “Old age is not for sissies. But ginger beer, slayed her arthritic pain and relieved her Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I know as even the Doctor acknowledged it managed her blood glucose levels.”

“And the doctor should know”, adds Hugh, sarcastically.

Pearl, glaring at Hugh, continues, “When Gran-Gran, has asthma, she says it’s better than Vicks as it reduces inflammation. So there! We Guyanese, know everything about Ginger Beer. It’s GB to us.” And with that stuck her tongue out. Emotions are running as high as the alcohol. Bajan love was sparking.

The Trini and Jamaican, laugh and applaud her, saying, “She sure can read” At which time, Pearl, pelted them with limes.  It’s customary for “windies” that any sign of indignation, was expressed by throwing whatever was close at hand, this time it was limes, but it could have been eggs, dishes or water.

Pearl, “I am not finished reading. “Since five hundred BC, ginger was used as medicine in the Orient and India. In Victorian England, in Yorkshire, it was an alcoholic beverage named ginger beer”. 

“You know,” Pearl, thinking aloud, “Granny is Chinese, Grampa is Indian and Guyana was British Guyana. So it makes sense we drink Ginger Beer”. “I have some, wait, let’s add vodka and get more wasted” I love my Yorkshire pudding and roast beef.” Drunk on vodka and mauby is drunk, drunk on Ginger Beer and vodka is worse. 

Hugh, the Trini, whispers to Lana, the-know-it-all Jamaican, “ I don’t have the heart to tell her that the Ginger beer plant is not believed  to be a herba but a complex organism involving a fungus, Saccharomyces florentinus and the bacterium Lactobacillus hilgardii. I know this as I make Kombucha.”

Hugh’s breath smelt of vodka and Mauby, as he deliberately burped in her face.  Hugh, “Shit, sorry, Lana. I hope Pearl has some food.” Sarcasm rules, as bad manners.

Lana, stupsed, disgusted with him, “Okay enough,’ who cares, really.” waving the air in front of her.

Hugh, “Pearl girl you have something to eat?”

Pearl, “Sure help yourself. We have Souse, Hops, Charlie Black pudding and eggs, if you want?”

As the night wore on, Lana, inebriated more than she knew, went to the fridge and found Sorrel. At that point, the light bulbs went off, in her befuddled mind.

Lana, “Pearl, Pearl, Please stop drinking. You are pregnant!” Drunk people wildly associate. “Look you have Sorrel! You are so pregnant! Or you have Cancer, either way stop! S-T-O-P! “

Hugh and Pearl, watched in disbelief, as Lana was standing on top of the kitchen table.

Lana, is shouting. Drunk people tend to think everyone is deaf. “Sorrel is another antioxidant and an uber source,” with this, she is counting on her fingers, “one, of Vitamin C, two of Beta-carotene and (a pause to breathe) three, my famazing favorite, flavonoids, my scavengers which remove disease-causing free radicals.”

“Don’t walk away, I’m not done, and as for you pregnant, Missy cancer queen” Looking at Pearl, “it kills, cancer cells and reduces your obviously elevated cholesterol levels.” “Oh, shit,” she says, as she starts to teeter-totter.

Lana, tries to come down off the table, “Hugh, come here, I think, I overdid the drinking,” leaning on Hugh’s, shoulder, Lana stumbles to the couch, curls up with a cushion and as she is passing out – jibber jabbing, slurring her words” J-J-J Jamaican studies show Sorrel or RRRR Rumex a-a-a-acetosa aids with weight-loss, d-dd-detoxifies your body, and boosts your health. The ox-ox-ox-oxalic acid in sorrel makes it a little p-p-p-p-poisonous. I make Kombucha too”

“G-G-Good night!” With that Lana, starts to snore.

Hugh and Pearl, look at Lana and each other, completely astonished, by her performance.

Hugh, “I don’t know what she just said. It is as if, she is a computer with no off button and she spits out everything.” Hugh wipes his face in case, she did spit on him. She did.

Pearl, “Lana, is so competitive?” I guess we all have to sleep here. Plus it’s raining and nobody is driving home.”

Hugh, “Lana, can’t hold her liquor.”

 Pearl, “Obviously! Hugh, follow me,”

The Sorrel, Ginger Beer Plant and Mauby bush, high-fived each other. As for tonight this battle was over. They had possessed these people and made them fight their battle for world garden domination. The sorrel was waiting for Lana to discover she became pregnant, from Hugh’s morning wood.

THE END

Moral- The Mauby tree winks to us all. World Domination is created by sharing your genes. So the Mauby won. Morning wood rules the day.

 

 Just in Case

  • Picong: (ˈpɪkɒŋ) n Caribbean:any teasing or satirical banter
  • Stupse: This word is defined as the sucking of one’s teeth for an extended and exaggerated period to create a noise in which signals annoyance or irritation.
  • Mamaguy: derived from two Spanish words “mamar gallo”meaning “to make a monkey of”
  • Windies: fromthe abbreviation  Indies, belong to or originating from the West Indies
  • Morning wood: referring to the phenomenon of nocturnal penile erection during sleep
  • Vex: to be annoyed
  • Batchaks : Leaf cutting ants
  • Famazing: Polite epithet for fucking amazing

 

 GINGER BEER INGREDIENTS

  • 6 cups: Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water
  • 1 pound fresh ginger, peeled, chopped -2 1/2 cups
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1 lime = 6 to 8 wedges

 

GINGER BEER PREPARATION

 

  • Bring 6 cups of Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water to boil in a large saucepan. Chop ginger and place it in a pot. Add boiling water and stir. Let ginger mixture stand at standard room temperature for 24 hours.
  • Strain ginger liquid into large pitcher, discarding the solids. Add sugar. Fill glasses with crushed ice and pour ginger beer over ice. Serve each glass with lime wedges.

 

  • Essential Tip: To make Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water. Have a Trini or Guyanese or Jamaican shake the water and say this is Trini water etc. Shake for 10 minutes.

 SORREL RECIPE

 

1 cup dried sorrel petals
1 tablespoon cloves
pieces of dried orange peel
Brown sugar syrup
Rum, Vodka, Gin, Tequila, Vermouth  optional. It easily makes a martini.

 

THE HOW TO

 

  1. Boil 2 quarts of water. Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water
    3. To the boiling water, add sorrel, orange peel and cloves.
    4. Boil for 30 minutes.
    5. Cover and steep 24 hours
    6. Strain add sugar syrup and alcohol to taste.
    7. Chill and serve

 

  • Essential Tip: To make Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water. Have a Trini or Guyanese or Jamaican shake the water and say this is Trini water etc. Shake for 10 minutes.

 

 

 

MAUBY FOR MORNING WOOD

 

For mauby concentrate:
1 and a half cups of Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water
5 – 6 large pieces of mauby bark
3 sticks of cinnamon
9 cloves
nutmeg to taste

For mauby drink:
1 gallon Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water
1 stick of cinnamon
nutmeg to taste

 4 – 5 cloves
Sugar to taste

Place all the concentrate ingredients in a saucepan and boil until the liquid is reduced to half. Let cool

Fill a large, clean bucket or container with the gallon of Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water

When cool, strain the mauby concentrate into the water add the fresh spices and sweeten to taste. Brew. Cover the container and wait.

 

24 hours later, open and strain the liquid from the bark and spices into the mixture and brew – for 3 minutes. The tell-tale mauby smell permeates the room. Ahh!

48 hours later, strain, discarding the bark and spices and brew for 3 minutes. Cover the container for 3 hours. Then taste the mauby for desired sweetness and strength before serving.

 

  • Essential Tip: To make Trini, Guyanese or Jamaican water. Have a Trini or Guyanese or Jamaican shake the water and say this is Trini water etc. Shake for 10 minutes.

 

Definite Side effects- Morning Wood.

  

  •  Written by Christoher De Caermichael 

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/09/04/patong-beach-phuket-thailand-aka-tijuana-mexico/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/the-bullshit-that-is-toronto-canada/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/03/10/languages-save-lives/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/06/05/refections-of-a-trinidad-sweet-man/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/11/26/adrift-on-the-waters-of-life/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/09/19/toronto-shameful-slum-housing-circa-2015-a-poor-history/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/indistinct-chatter-and-all-things-american-dollar/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/07/10/the-toronto-condo-market-boom-boom-bust/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/sacred-legends-the-journey-continues-pilot-episode-through-the-eye-of-the-needle-tv-script/

https://andreperezbyandreperez.wordpress.com/2016/03/18/arabic-languages-save-lives/

 

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/06/03/tall-trini-tales-look-mama-i-see-a-jumbie/     

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/the-sacred-profane-the-firkin-pub/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/thad-tarot-by-cristoph/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/THAD-TAROT/1405492593066061?sk=timeline

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/the-trudeau-legacy-3/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/11/10/this-more-some-of-the-work-still-online/

 

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2015/06/10/sino-canadian-bespoke-auteur-luo-li-2015/

 

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/11/23/the-wonderful-world-of-krabi-the-omg-of-hat-yai-thailand/

https://thebookof25.wordpress.com/2016/04/11/malaysia-thus-far/

https://www.facebook.com/cristoph.decaermichael/videos/10152286547026398/

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLu_LKu7jZA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TqmOqj9Sx8&t=3s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iwbVpUdnis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lu1DLKiLDw

https://youtu.be/5TqmOqj9Sx8

https://youtu.be/-281V6E31Y8

https://youtu.be/nmQgBTXHdAA

https://youtu.be/vKON6_n8lbU

https://youtu.be/V1n7t3_daM4

https://youtu.be/dqZ2fs1fSW8

https://youtu.be/J3y3z0eMers

https://youtu.be/6hyJ3HMSN4c

https://youtu.be/1DHgrQLZh0k

https://youtu.be/3AorKh1soyo

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